Have Him at Hello: Blog 19

The second book that I started reading for the spring Inquiry project is "Have Him at Hello" by Rachel Greenwald. This is a dating advice book that is aimed towards women. So far in the book I really enjoy and relate to a lot of mistakes that women make while they are dating. I am really enjoying this book so far and I cannot wait to continue on the the second half of the book.
So far in “Have Him at Hello” by Rachel Greenwald, Greenwald talks about the top mistakes that women often do on a first date that makes men not want a second. One top mistake that women make on a first date that make men not want to ask for a second date is the fact that women share too much one a first date. The first date is to get an initial reaction to someone to see if physically you like them and if you both partners have the capability to even start a relationship. It is in the second date where both partners really get to know each other. Another mistake that women make while dating is suspension that they have done something wrong. Whenever a women does not get a reaction that they think is positive they often think that something is wrong and it is their fault. When in fact what they could have said or done was not negative but just sparked something in a man’s past that reminded him of something else, women always think that if something bad happens it is their fault.

I personally think that Greenwald is right when women do not get the reaction they are look for they automatically think that something is wrong and it is their fault. I personally am very guilty, whenever I send a text or make a phone call and don’t receive a response or call back immediately I think that maybe the text was stupid or I offended the man that I sent the text to. Instead of think that they might have been busy, or that they never received the text.

I can relate to what Greenwald is saying about the first date or initial meeting between two partners. I think that women go in to the date thinking they have to tell the man their life story. I think that men often get really suffocated by the overload of information that the woman has told them.

The End of "Why We Love" :Blog 18

Finally I am finished with “Why We Love” by Helen Fisher. As you may or may not know I have been updating my blog readers on my progress with “Why We Love” and I know you’re wondering Sydney… Why do we love? Well I am going to tell you what I have concluded from that “Why We Love” however this is merely just an opinion. I would personally suggest that each of my blog readers read “Why We Love” so that you can conclude you answer on why we love. What I concluded from author Helen Fisher’s research on why we love is to avoid being alone. Fisher once states in her book that at one time in our life, we will began to feel depressed and lonely, almost to the point that we are in a suicidal state of mind, and having a partner we can avoid feeling that way. When two people are in a healthy relationship you each complement each other. When two partners are together each partner looks to each other for self esteem and confidence to survive. Note, this is why it may hurt when your partner calls you some type of rude name. When two partners break up with each other, each partner will feel depressed, angry, and may reacted error rational. At the end of “Why We Love” Fisher talks about how the differences between men and women. There are many differences that Fisher brings up about men and women’s attraction and how they attract each other. Men usually pick women that can fit in their life style. Men pick women that can get along with heir friends, parents co-workers, and overall life style. One the other hand women pick men based on status, financial ability, and controlling tendencies, and outside appearance. After reading "Why We Love" I thought a lot about the movie "The Ugly Truth" which was supposed to be a movie about how men think more sexually and women more so look at a man's intelligence. However Fisher reveals that both men and women both think of intimacy just as much.

Women in the back seat?: Blog 16

In the next section of Why We Love by Helen Fisher she goes into the things that couples that today are doing to keep the love in their relationship. Fisher surveys and interviews several couples to see what they do to keep romance alive in their relationship. One of the biggest things that each married couple said that they still have to do is keep the intimacy alive, by continously responding to their partners sexual desires. Fisher also surveys married couples to figure out their connection towards each other. Fisher explains that men have always jockeyed status to win mates and how women have a more emotional connection and often connect to another mate my personal reflections on themselves or other people. Women are usually attracted to status, money, time and connections. Men however can sometimes be attracted to the opposite. Men are more so attracted to the "fit " that women can balance into their lives. Fit meaning how they interact with friends, parents, co workers, and overall life. If women will be controlling or let the man be the leader.

In class this week we talked a lot about true love and where that comes from and if a soul mate can last forever. I think that this part of the book can very well answer that. I think that romance can last forever if the partners are welling to sacrifice for each other. In Why We Love Fisher explains that intimacy is one thing that each partner must provide for the other. I think that together is a sacrifice that each partner must make for each other. I also think that Fisher was right when she explained what men and women are attracted to. I think that women for the most part are attracted to a man's status and how controlling he is towards her. I think that women do look for men that will take the lead and show power within the relationship. Rarely do you hear women paying the bill on the first date and women opening the car door for a man. The man is expected to do most of the physical work in the relationship.

I agree within my Mr.Right list I do look for a man that can take control when it is needed. I am personally not attracted to someone that wants me to do all of the work in the relationship. I do also expect for the man to be chivalrous towards me and open the car door or any door in that manner and to pay the bill on the date, and overall live up to the expections that have already been set out for him. I remember that I met a guy and I really liked him however I refused to call him because I thought that it was the man's job to contact that girl. So I waited and waited and three months later the guy decided to call me and well we were talking he asked me why I never called him. Not only was I surprised at his question I was apauled that he expected me to call him. This is just one example of how women expect men to take the lead in the relationship.

Why We Love: Helen Fisher.... So far: Blog 15

Retell: “Why We Love” written by Helen Fisher is the study of why humans love. So far in the book Fisher talks about a study she explores with college students. Have of the college students in here study are in love, and the other half have just broken up with their significant partner. Fisher uses an efficient technique to look at how the brain reacts to their significant other. During an M.R.I test she has the student look at a picture of their significant other and then she has the student look at a neutral picture, to see how the brain reacts to the memories with the significant other. Fisher writes about the brains reaction to heart break and the trauma that it personally causes to the brain. Fisher writes about a student named Barbara who started off as a student that was deeply in love with her boyfriend and what was supposed to her soon finance Tim. However during Barbara’s time in the study her and Tim broke up. Fisher noticed that after the Barbara’s break up from Tim that Barbara lost weight, became paranoid, depressed, and had a deep since of hatred. Fished concluded that the when someone is in a relationship that the brain becomes very dependent on that personal for energy and comfort. However when a sudden break up happens the brain yearns for that loving feeling so much that it is like a withdraw reaction.Respond: When first reading how the brain reacts after a break up I associated it with drug or alcohol withdraws. When the brain becomes so dependent on someone and loses that significant other they will do anything to get that partner back.Relate: Although, I have never been in a “serious” relationship I can see that being in love is like being on a drug that gives you a constant high. When author Helen Fisher describes the withdraws people get after being in love it really reminded me of the withdraws that people get when they first get off of drugs. Paranoia, annoyance, anger, rage, depression, and bitterness are the basic emotions that happen after someone has broken up with their partner.